


Absolution

by Infinity (malecfeels)



Series: Ever Mine [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: A little teary, BDSM, Bottom Magnus, Developing Relationship, Dominant Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Human Malec, Last chapter of the series, Love, M/M, Malec, Malec AU, Malec in Love, Relationship Talks, Submissive Magnus Bane, They talk, Top Alec, author still doesn't know how to tag, lovee, loveee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 19:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13130364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecfeels/pseuds/Infinity
Summary: “Why are you really here, Alec?”“I had to see you. I wanted to talk to you.”“About what?”“About us.”...THE END IS HERE





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Too much rambling in the author's note below.
> 
> I can't believe I have finished writing this series. This is the biggest, most complicated thing I have written till date. Its freaking 105,000 words. Half of it is SHAMELESS SMUT. God, I am so deliriously happy.  
> It has been six long months of worry, over obsessing, all night thinking, fantasizing, smiling and dancing for me. When I first started this and I have no idea what got me started on this, I never thought it would come this far. More times than not, I feared I would abandon it. But the only thing that stopped me from doing that was the thought of disappointing you guys and in turn disappointing myself. BUT I FINALLY DID IT. 
> 
> I could keep on rambling but I think i will do that in the end notes because I can't wait for you guys to read this last part!!  
> Its quite simple. And I am very satisfied with it. HOPE HOPE HOPE you guys love it <3
> 
> PS: I realized it a little late but this is like my Christmas present to y'all! I finished this thing on Christmas! Yay! HAPPY HOLIDAYS YOU GUYS <3 <3 Hope you like the present <3
> 
> ENJOY THE FINAL PART <3 <3 <3

Alec checked his phone for what felt like the hundredth time in the last fifteen minutes. His and Magnus’ smiling face greeted him on the screen. A smile tugged at his lips like always as he thought about the time they had clicked the picture. Magnus had clicked it quickly after he had made him laugh with one of his cliché innuendoes.

The encroaching smile disappeared and was replaced with a resigned frown as he saw the empty window of notifications. Magnus still hadn’t replied to any of his calls or messages. He was still radio silent.

Any other time he would have been worried but he knew Magnus was fine and just taking time off from _him_. Magnus would throw a fit if he realized the tab he was keeping on him. But after everything that had happened, he was more than a little paranoid. Also, he was still gathering his wits to go and talk to Magnus.

Alec missed him terribly. It had been a week since he had last seen him in the small clinic that Magnus had insisted he go for his wound. It was nothing that he couldn’t have handled himself at home. But Magnus had been adamant and forceful, a mere mask to hide the worry and shock. So Alec had humored him and got both of them checked out. The doctor had taken one clinical look at them and prescribed heavy duty sleeping pills to both of them. He didn’t blame him, they did look like a waking nightmare.

Magnus had told him then that he would come see him soon. Just to take a look at his wound and make sure he was fine. But he hadn’t. He hadn’t called or messaged or replied to any of his over the week. Alec had been griped with a desperate urge to go see him and his skin itched to touch him. But he knew he couldn’t do that yet. He had to give Magnus time. He owed him that.

Alec switched off his screen, the photo now unbearable to look at. Everything reminded him of Magnus and what he had with him. The only light in his darkness was his hope and conviction to get him back. And he was going to get him back.

He just had to wait a little while. They both needed to get their bearings back.

Alec was cut off from his thoughts at the sound of his doorbell. He slumped in his bed as he thought about who it could be. He was not in a mood to be with anyone. He had kicked out his siblings after their third day of keeping vigil at his side. He appreciated it but he had wanted to be alone.

Except if it was Magnus.

Alec’ eyes widened and his heart gave a little jump at the thought of maybe Magnus standing at the other side of his door. Could it be? He knew Magnus had been getting all of his messages. And he was confident in the knowledge that not everything was over between them. After the talk they had that night, it had filled him with hope. There was no way things were over between them just like that. Alec wouldn’t allow it.

He pushed his running thoughts away and quickly walked to the door. His heart was ready to burst out of his chest with anticipation. He was dying to see him again, even if it was just for a while. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

The smile that had been brewing beneath his lips died down. It wasn’t Magnus.

It was Raphael.

Alec prided himself in being a fearless strong detective. He had never really being afraid of standing up to anyone. But for some unknown reasons, he sure as hell was afraid of Raphael.

“Lightwood.” Raphael said in a clipped tone. It was the only tone he had heard. “Are you going to stand there gawking or are you going to let me in?”

Alec blinked. “Um..Raphael. What are you doing here?”

“I had rather answer that question inside. Do you mind?” Raphael said, a hint of impatience creeping in.

“No no, come in.” Alec said dazedly, moving away from the door.

“I hope I am not disturbing you. I just didn’t feel the need to call.” Raphael said airily, walking directly to the couch in the living room.

“That’s…okay.” Alec frowned. “How did you know where I lived?”

“I try to remember the place Magnus spends more than half his time in.” He answered. He waved at him from where he was sitting on the couch. “Why are you standing? Sit please.”

“Right.” Alec said slowly. “I am sorry; I am just a little confused here. I wasn’t expecting you. At all.”

“I had no interest to be here either. I have to talk to you. About Magnus.”

Alec swallowed hard as he made his way to the couch. He knew that. Both of them didn’t have anything else except Magnus in common. Or maybe they had but they just hadn’t gotten around to socializing yet. Alec was okay with that.

“I figured.” He said. “How is he? Is he okay?”

Raphael stared at him from where he was sitting across him. His gaze was more than a little unnerving. It was like he was looking right through him. “Not really.”

“Is something wrong with him?” Alec demanded, his heart starting to beat faster. He had kept his eyes on him but he had seemed physically okay.

“You tell me.” Raphael said, crossing his legs. Alec saw it for the power move it was. He himself had used it countless times before. “Magnus doesn’t tell us anything anymore. At least not me.”

“I haven’t been in his contact for a week now.” Alec said, looking away.

“Yes, after the whole debacle with whoever that punk was. Which also I don’t know anything about except the fact that he killed someone to save you.”

Alec flinched. “He wasn’t supposed to. I was trying to protect him. But…Sebastian got to my head and it was bad. Magnus saved me.”

“I am not surprised. He has always put everyone else before him.” He said calmly. “But he has never killed a person you know. That was the first time.”

Alec clenched his eyes shut at that. He had suspected that. Guilt blossomed hot and familiar through him. It was one of things that had plagued him all week. One of the many things he wanted to talk to Magnus about.

“Why are you telling me this?” Alec asked, his voice tight.

“I have known Magnus a long time. Ever since he was a kid.” Raphael said. His eyes flashed with something soft and unfamiliar. “We have always looked after each other. I know everything there is to know about him. And I have always been able to take care of him and make sure he was okay. But now…I can’t.”

Alec looked up as he heard the hint of frustration and despair in his voice. He saw the conflicted look in his eyes before it disappeared under the usual stony look.

“Ever since he met you, he’s been different.” He continued. “I never had a problem with it. It’s his life. And I could see he was happy after a very long time.”

“You were the one who told me to stay away from him.” Alec snapped.

“Because I didn’t approve of the relationship you two had.” Raphael’s eyes flashed. “Magnus was in a bad place when he met you. I was afraid he wasn’t thinking clearly about what he was doing. I was not wrong about the fact that he needs a real relationship. Now I don’t know whether he truly desired and liked what he was with you. Again, that’s his life and not my concern. But what I care about is him being _happy_ and not getting hurt. Which I knew was going to happen. And I wasn’t wrong was I? He _did_ get hurt.”

Alec could feel his breathing accelerate as every word hit him hard in all the right places. This was all he was thinking every day now. But hearing it from Raphael in this way made it seem all too raw.

“I wasn’t going to ask this but I need to know.” Raphael asked quietly. “What did you do to him?”

Alec inhaled sharply at that. His hands went cold as he gripped them tightly together. “I…” he started but the lump in his throat made it hard to go on.

“You what?” Raphael’s voice was hard.

“I…lost control in bed. I h-hurt him.” Alec gasped out. “He trusted me to take care of him. And I…I _hurt_ him.”

Alec had not said that out loud. He had kept thinking and agonizing about it ever since. But he hadn’t said it out loud. Not even during the hard lashes of the whip that tore into his skin. Somehow saying it like this to someone out loud made it seem more real and he felt it more starkly in his every nerve. It awoke something in him. Something that he had kept closed in the fear that it would completely overwhelm him.

Alec had realized what he had done. But somehow he had not completely embraced it. And he knew that until and unless he did that, there was no hope for recovering from it. There was no hope for healing.

“I wouldn’t hesitate to kill you for what you did.” Raphael’s voice penetrated through the fog. “Unlike Magnus, I have killed before without remorse.”

Chest heaving, Alec looked up from his hands towards him. He looked the same, unruffled and cool. But he could see the glint of something dangerous lurking in the depths.

“At the very least, I would make sure you never come _near_ Magnus again.” He continued voice hard.

“So, are you here for that? To warn me to stay away from him?” Alec asked roughly. “Because let me tell you now, that’s _not_ going to happen.”

“Is that so?”

Alec took a deep breath, sitting straight. “I made a mistake. The worst kind of mistake which is unforgivable. For a long time, I believed that there was no coming back from it. That…I absolutely did not deserve Magnus. But…”

Alec carefully considered his next words. It had all been in his head these past few days. It was harder to actually say them to someone. “He is the best thing that has happened to me. After everything I have been through, for every dark thing in my life, Magnus has always seen the light. He has been _there_ for me. He never gave up….So now it’s my chance to do the same. I am not giving up on him. Giving up on _us_.” He stared determinedly into Raphael’s eyes. “I don’t know if he will ever want to forgive me. Or if he even wants to give me any kind of chance. But I am going to do everything I can to make it up to him. I want to fight for him and for us. He deserves that. And…I deserve it too.”

Alec watched as Raphael took it all in silently. It was hard to see if anything was affecting him. He sat still on the couch, his posture stiff and eyes boring right into his. Then like a miracle, he blinked and his usually blank hard gaze softened and something akin to warmth bled into them. Alec was scared to hope if there was even a kind of approval in them.

“You want to know why I really came here?” He asked plainly.

“To kill me?” Alec asked, trying to make it sound light. He failed though.

“I did entertain that thought for a while.” He admitted honestly. “But I would have felt bad about killing an honest man, which unfortunately you are. Not to mention, Magnus would end me without any kind of regrets.”

“Then why did you come here?”

“Because Magnus has been moping around all week. It’s worse than after what happened with Camille. At least then, I knew how to help him.” Raphael answered. “But this time the only one who can help him is _you_.”

Alec bit his lip. “You really think that?”

“Look, I was wrong about you.” Raphael said, a little uncomfortably. “I didn’t think you were good for him. Magnus has been….different since he met you. I just never thought that it was _good_ different. I have never seen him so light and happy. Honestly it was kind of nauseating.”

“I-I didn’t think he would be…um.” Alec stammered, his heart skipping a bit.

“You are a little clueless, aren’t you?” Raphael shook his head. “I didn’t come here to gossip like a couple of twelve year olds. Magnus is a mess. And stubborn as hell. He won’t tell me anything neither will he listen to me. The only person he wants is _you_. So you need to stop hiding, get off your ass and _fix_ what you broke.”

“I am no-not hiding!” Alec spluttered.

“Bullshit.” Raphael shot back. “You would have done something sooner about this. You are just scared.”

“I was just giving him time to think!” Alec protested. “A lot has happened. I just…don’t want to force him or something.”

“You give him any more time and he will make the wrong decision. Believe me, I have seen it happen before.” Raphael muttered resignedly. “He appreciates effort, not pointless empty promises.”

Alec let out a breath. “I know.” He said softly. “Do you..do you really believe that I am what he needs? After everything I have done, do you think I am right for him?”

“Why don’t you ask yourself?” Raphael said. “However much you think, I don’t make his decisions. Magnus is more than capable. I just make sure they are the right ones.”

“I want to be the right man for him.” Alec confessed, almost to himself. He blinked, looking up at Raphael again, his heart beating the truth out of him. “I _will_ be the right man for him.”

Raphael smiled slightly. It was almost triumphant. “Then you have your answer. If it makes any difference, I think you will be too. As much as it pains me to admit it, I was wrong in thinking that the two of you did not belong together.”

“It makes a lot of difference.” Alec said, his throat closing up again. He feared he was going to start crying. He absolutely did _not_ want to cry in front of Raphael. “Raphael…Thank you.”

 Raphael cleared his throat, face twisting into something uncomfortable. “I am doing this for Magnus. And me, because I cannot bear his moping anymore. If you mention this little conversation to anyone, I will punch you and pretend it never happened.”

Alec let out a small laugh. “I hear you.”

Raphael moved his hand inside his jacket pocket and removed a piece of paper. He flipped it on the table in front of him. “He will be there. Hasn’t come out since a week now.”

Alec looked down at the paper with a small address written in neat handwriting. “Uh…”

“What?”

“I already know.”

Raphael narrowed his eyes. “That’s one of my safe houses. How do you know?”

“I didn’t know it was your safe house or something.” Alec said quickly. “I was just keeping a little tab on him. After everything that had happened I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“I don’t think I need to tell you to keep this little information away from Magnus. He won’t be impressed.” Raphael said, his lips quirked up in a small smile again. “But _I_ am.”

Alec blinked. “Uh..thanks?” he cleared his throat. “I do have a question though.”

“What?”

“Why do you need a safe house?” Alec frowned.

Raphael smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Before Alec could question what exactly he did for a living, he had gotten up from the couch. He looked over his shoulder as he spoke swiftly, “My work is done here. Go to him. Fix your mess and get him out of that horrendous space.”

“I..uh yes. I am going right now.” Alec said, blinking.

“Oh and one more thing.” Raphael said, abruptly stopping in stride.

Before Alec could process it, he was being pushed back roughly till he hit the wall behind him. He grimaced as a twinge of pain ran through him at the impact. He winched more as he caught the cold look in Raphael’s eyes that were laser focused on him.

“You get just _one_ more chance with him.” He said, voice low and dangerous. “If you hurt him in any way again, I will personally come after you and end you. _That’s_ a promise.”

“I will keep that in mind.” Alec said, his voice strong and steady. “But I am never going to hurt him again.”

“You better not.” Raphael let him go.

And with that, he walked out the door without looking back.

Alec let out a long breath and leaned against the wall behind him. His gaze unwittingly landed on the small piece of paper on the table. It all felt like some ridiculous dream. But in the longest of time, his thoughts fell into place and his head was finally clear.

This time, he knew what he had to do.

* * *

 

Magnus thought he was dreaming when he first heard the sound of the doorbell. Because he had never heard it before. It came from the main door which hadn’t been used in months. It was rusted and dusty and Magnus failed to understand why it was still there.

The usual way in and out was from the back door which didn’t have a doorbell. Something about having a secret way to use the safe house. It was all too shady for him. Magnus just appreciated the space he got, away from the real world. No one disturbed him here. The food and whatever he needed came through a single delivery boy who worked for Raphael. Mainly now though he worked for him. Raphael had disowned it soon after Magnus started living in it for weeks at an end.

The doorbell sounded again. Magnus shook his head to clear the haze of sleep away. It did sound like it was really happening and not just part of a dream. He frowned in blank confusion, trying to fit this new development. Magnus just wanted to go back to sleep.

He made a sound of frustration as the chime echoed in the house again.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” He grumbled, untangling the sheets around his legs. It had to be Raphael. No one knew about this place except him and a few of his men. Catarina suspected but she had never really asked or come here. He vowed as he walked the short distance to the door to make Raphael learn some manners from her.

“Raphael, is that you?” He yelled as he stood in front of the door. He wished it had a peephole.

The bell rang instead of an answer.

“Go away, Raph!” He yelled again. He had a sudden urge to punch the door but he refrained from doing so. It was made of heavy iron and he was in no mood to break his hands.

There was a beat of silence but before he could heave a sigh of relief, the bell rang again.

Magnus _really_ hated that sound now. Chest heaving with barely suppressed rage; he unlocked the latch and roughly opened the door.

The angry expletives died from where they were ready at his lips as he saw who was at the door.

“Alexander.” The name left his mouth in a shocked whisper. He was definitely dreaming. Surely that wasn’t who his eyes saw he was, looking as breathtaking as the first time he had seen him?

“Magnus.” Alec said with a smile. “Hey.”

Magnus felt his knees go weak as he saw the smile. It was just so beautiful. He had seen it every night in his dreams. Dreams where he had everything he wanted. But only for a little while until he woke up, alone and sad. But this smile, it didn’t feel like a dream. It felt real.

“Can I come in?” Alec said after a beat of silence.

Magnus blinked. “How did you find me?” he blurted out.

Alec bit his lip. “Um…I don’t think I can tell you that.”

Magnus frowned. “What? Why?”

“I will get punched.” Alec said seriously.

This was getting too weird, Magnus thought for a second before it hit him. “Raphael told you.”

Alec sighed. “I am definitely getting punched.” He muttered to himself. “Are we going to stand here all day? It’s a little cold out here. Just saying.”

Wordlessly, Magnus opened the door wide and moved away. He breathed in the scent that wafted around him as Alec walked past him inside. It made him dizzy for a second.

“Have you really been living here for the past week?” Alec asked, his eyes trailing uncertainly over the mess that was the living room. It wasn’t one of the nicer places Magnus had lived in. But it was the last thing he was concerned about right now.

“What the hell are you doing here, Alec?” He asked. He winced at how harsh it came out.

“I…I.” Alec started, his eyes drifting everywhere but at Magnus. His face was set in something deep and thoughtful along with an uncertainty he hadn’t seen before. “You didn’t call me.”

Out of everything he had thought he would say that wasn’t it. “What?” he asked dumbfounded.

“You said you would call me. But you didn’t.” Alec said, almost stubbornly. “And then you didn’t even take my calls or messages.”

Magnus then remembered that time in the small clinic where both of them had been bloody and so exhausted. He didn’t remember anything beyond being extremely worried and relieved at the same time. He had been sitting close to him, feeling peaceful and warm for a while until it had hit him. Everything that had happened and how it was all still so broken and messed up.

He sighed. “I…don’t know.” He confessed. “I just needed some time alone.”

“I know.” Alec replied.

“Why are you really here, Alec?”

“I had to see you.” Alec answered. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“About us.”

Alec said it so easily that it took a second for Magnus to realize what he had said. His heart lurched in his chest as the words sunk in. “Did Raphael put you up to this?” he asked instead.

Alec shook his head. “He just gave me the boost I needed. I have been meaning to talk to you for a while now. Ever since that day in the warehouse. Especially about what happened there.”

Magnus flinched. He didn’t want to be reminded of that horrible day and that horrible moment. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He said shortly, hoping to change the subject.

But Alec wasn’t hearing it. “I know you were angry about me going off alone like that. But I was only trying to protect you.” He said softly.

“I didn’t need your protection.” Magnus snapped. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know that. But that’s never going to stop me from trying.” Alec said truthfully. “And it was not only that. _I_ needed it. I needed to face him and end it once and for all.”

“How well did that go for you, huh?” Magnus asked angrily. “If I hadn’t been there, you would have _died_! Did you even think for one second what I was going through? About how devastated I would be if something had happened to you?”

Alec was stared at him in silence for a beat. “No I didn’t. I didn’t think you would have cared as much.”

Hearing that hurt worse than anything else he had ever felt. “I was there. I heard everything that Sebastian said to you during his last moments. I didn’t think for a _second_ that any of it was true. I expected you to stop him, to tell him that he was wrong, to not _believe_ what he was saying.”

“I didn’t want to believe it.” Alec said, swallowing hard. “But I…”

“Believed it.” Magnus finished. “And that almost got you killed. _I_ was your downfall.”

“Magnus no.” Alec shook his head. “That is not true.”

“It is!” Magnus yelled. “We just keep _hurting_ each other.”

“Listen to me. Please.” Alec pleaded firmly. “Magnus, ever since the moment I met you, I always knew that I didn’t deserve you. You were too _good_. You were nothing like me. You saw good in everything. Even in the darkest part of me. I believed that I would _never_ deserve you. I believed it when Sebastian said it to me in those final moments. He was right. I had hurt you and even though he hadn’t known it, he had said it to me. H-he got into my head. I couldn’t help it.”

“That’s what I am-“ Magnus started but Alec cut him off.

“But then you came and you saved me.” He said, voice turning soft. “I looked at you standing so strong and _angry_. Angry for me. And then so worried because you thought I had been hurt. I just…no one has ever done that for me. I have never felt so protected and safe than in that moment.”

“You had to have known that despite everything, I would always keep you safe. I would never let anything bad happen to you. It doesn’t just work one way, Alec.” Magnus said, a little despairingly.

“I didn’t expect, I didn’t ever _hope_ that. Not after everything that had happened to me.” Alec said tiredly. “I never thought I would have that, let alone meet someone who would do that for me. I never thought I would meet someone like _you_ , Magnus.”

Alec continued, “It was too good to be true. And I knew I didn’t deserve you. So when I-I hurt you…I just couldn’t think of anything else. I realized how important you were to me. But I was not right for you. You deserved someone better than me. Someone who wasn’t so fucked up, someone who didn’t break your trust.”

“You don’t get to decide that for yourself.” Magnus whispered harshly.

“I just wanted what was right for you.” Alec shrugged. “But then you still came back. You still _cared_. And I couldn’t help but hope even though I tried my best not to. Because I didn’t realize that there would be a time where I would think that maybe...just maybe I do deserve you. And that maybe I was wrong and I _was_ what was right for you.”

Magnus’ heart lurched violently in his chest. He blinked, more than a little shocked. “What do you mean?”

Alec’s eyes shone as he stared right at him. “That moment when you fell in my arms in the warehouse. After you saved me. I could feel the relief of escaping Sebastian forever. It was finally over. And it was all because of you. You cared enough to _kill_ someone to save me. Like I said I never felt that protected and safe. And having you in arms, nothing feels more right than that. It just hit me then. There was nothing wrong about what I had. I do deserve someone like you. Someone who is so much better than me yet still wants to be with me. It was then that I decided that I would do everything in my power to keep you with me.”

Magnus didn’t even realize he was shedding tears before he felt one of them drop off his chin. His hands were shaking slightly at his sides. He could barely feel any of it. Not when Alec was saying all that, not when he was looking at him like that. He slowly sat down on the sofa behind him as he felt his legs threaten to give out. He didn’t look away from Alec though.

“You really mean all that?” He whispered roughly.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Alec replied softly. “I would be far away from you, trying to convince myself that you were better off without me.”

“I never once thought that you didn’t deserve me.” Magnus said, shaking his head. “Not once.”

“I told you, you see the good in everything. That’s who you are.” Alec said simply. “You made me believe in all the good things again. Most importantly you made me believe in _me_.”

Magnus sniffed. “You think far too highly of me, Alec. I am not that perfect.”

“You are to me.” Alec said without hesitation. “It may appear simple to you, but to get someone as messed up and complicated as me to believe again. To trust again. _You_ did that.”

“That goes both ways, you know.” Magnus said quietly. “I….am a lot to get used to. I can be overwhelming. Difficult to be with.”

“Magnus, you-“ Alec started, shaking his head.

Magnus held up his hand. “Wait. Let me say this. I know how I am. That doesn’t lessen the faith I have in myself. It just makes me hard to trust people. It’s not easy for me to open up with someone else.” He let out a dry chuckle. “When I was with you…it was easy. It was overwhelming yes, but it was _easy_. I didn’t even realize how much I was comfortable with you, how much I cherished everything about our time. You saw the good in me too, Alexander. I let you in without even realizing it. You made me believe in things I never would have. Made me trust in a way I never would have.”

Alec listened to him silently, his face openly displaying his emotions. Magnus would never have thought he would see that. It almost made him not say the next thing. But he knew he had too. He had been hiding enough.

“I guess that’s why it hit me so hard when…when you broke that trust.” He said, sniffing. “I just never expected you to do that to me. Even when I didn’t know you, I trusted you completely. I have never _trusted_ anyone as much I did you. And it just _hurts_ to have it broken like that.”

Magnus knew the impact it would have on Alec as he said it. He knew the anguish and hurt that would come over his face. The deep regret would bleed in his eyes. He wanted to spare him that pain. After everything that had happened, Magnus knew one thing that wouldn’t ever change. He would never bear to see Alec hurt in any way. But this was something that had to happen. It wasn’t something that would just go away over time. Magnus didn’t know what he wanted or expected from this. But he had to say it. He had to _feel_ it.

He watched, more than shocked as Alec slowly dropped down to his knees in front of him. His eyes never left his as he clasped his hands together in front of him, in a posture of praying.

“I regret a lot of things in my life. But none as much as what I did to you.” He whispered. His voice shook with something deep and strong. “I would do _anything_ to go back and stop it from happening. But I can’t. I can’t erase it.”

Magnus could feel his throat closing up with emotions he could barely suppress. He couldn’t keep his eyes off him as Alec sat kneeling in front of him, his entire being radiating with sorrow and honesty.

“I made a mistake, Magnus.” Alec continued, his voice dripping with sincerity. “There is no excuse for it. It is unforgivable. No one would ever hate me for it more than I.” he halted to take a deep breath, “But I don’t want to lose you because of it. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. Magnus…I will do _anything_ to make up for my mistake. I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness. I will tell you every day how sorry I am and how deeply I regret what I did.”

Tears dripped down Alec’s cheeks. “I don’t want to give up on you. Because for the longest time I thought I didn’t deserve you. But I _do_ now. I need you in my life, Magnus. I just…I can’t live without you. So please…please give me one more chance. I promise you, I will do everything to earn back your trust. I will do everything…to be worthy of you.”

Magnus couldn’t breathe. It was all too much. His heart ached with every word that left Alec’s mouth. It ached with the sincerity and sorrow he heard in it. It ached because it was everything he didn’t know he wanted to hear. It hit him right till the ends of his soul. And it was so bruised and broken. He didn’t realize that _this_ was enough to start healing it.

“Oh Alexander.” Magnus whispered. He moved forward from where he was sitting on the couch, till he was on his knees in front of him. Up close he could see the beautiful deep color of his eyes shining with something so pure. He couldn’t remember the number of times they had managed to take his breath away. He moved his hands towards his face and cupped it in his palms. It was warm and wet under his skin. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that. I…I was scared. And hurt. Not just because of what you did to me. But because it also meant that you wouldn’t be in my life anymore. I _need_ you too. I don’t want you to give up on me. That was the last thing I wanted.”

“You wanted me…even after everything I did?” Alec whispered.

“Yes.” Magnus said without hesitation. “God Alec…I am responsible for what happened too. I broke your trust too. Even I wish that I could go back and changed what happened. Stopped myself from doing what I did.” He sniffed back his tears. “The thing I regret the most is breaking your trust in yourself. The things I said to you when you told me about your past, I still mean them. That is _never_ going to change, despite what happens. You are a good man. And you are worthy of me. You are worthy of everything that is good in this world.”

“The trust you still have in me…that is what finally made me want to fight for you.” Alec said. “You are the best thing that has happened to me. I am never letting you go. Is that something you are okay with?”

Magnus couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “I am. I wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

Alec gave his own answering smile at that. It was so beautiful and relieved. “Thank you so much.”

“I have one condition though.” Magnus said.

“What?” Alec asked, worry bleeding onto his face quickly.

“I want you to give me a chance to earn your forgiveness and trust too.” Magnus said, caressing his cheek. “We can’t just forget about my part in all this. The different magnitude of the situations doesn’t excuse the fact that you were hurt too. Trust doesn’t just go one way.”

“Okay.” Alec nodded slightly. “I understand.”

“Thank you for not giving up on us.” Magnus murmured. “I don’t think I would have had the courage to keep fighting. But you did.”

“It took me a long time to realize it. I almost didn’t.” Alec said.

Magnus breathed out as something suddenly struck him. He started to move away, only realizing that Alec had a tight grip on his waist. “Wait. I have to do something.”

Alec frowned but let him go. He watched as Magnus walked to the far side of the room and bent over one of the bags lying there. He quickly rummaged through it and after finding what he wanted, walked back. Alec couldn’t make out what it was until he sat down in front of him again and held it out.

Magnus heard him inhale sharply, his eyes laying fixed on the collar in his hands. The black collar with the golden threads that Alec himself had tied around his neck.

“What…” Alec asked, voice low and cautious.

“When you first gave it to me, the thought of being yours completely seemed…perfect. It is one of my most cherished moments.” Magnus said softly. “It always gave me a sense of comfort. Of belongingness. More than anything, this collar symbolizes our relationship of being a dominant and a submissive.” He let out a pained breath then. “But after what happened it broke my trust and belief about being in a relationship like that again.”

Alec nodded shakily. “I understand that. I would _never_ ask you to do that again. To be like that again. I don’t need it anymore. I just need _you_.”

“I know.” Magnus said with a brief smile. “But the thing is…I never knew that part of me existed until you showed it to me. I never thought that I would be into something like that. But I am. I loved being a submissive. And it was not just because of you, although you were a big part of it. I found peace in it and I truly enjoyed it. I don’t want to lose that part of me. Because I think it is something that shapes who I am now.”

“What are you saying?” Alec asked quietly.

“At this moment, I am nowhere close to ready to be that vulnerable again. But one day I will be. Maybe it will be the day I completely forgive you. Maybe not.” Magnus said, as he held the collar out to him. “Till that day comes, I want you to keep this for me. And when I am ready, I want you to give it to me again. Just like the first time.”

Alec’s hands shook a little as he picked up the collar and gripped it tightly. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Magnus said honestly. “I don’t know if you will believe me but I can’t just forget about all the other times you took care of me and made me feel good because of the one time you didn’t. I don’t want to forget.”

Alec’s breath hitched. His eyes filled with tears again. “God Magnus…only you. You are so damn special, you have no idea.” He held out his hands. “Come here.”

Magnus went without any hesitation. He fell in his arms, something he had done countless of times before but every time felt like the first. He couldn’t express how good it felt to have those arms wrap tightly around him, to feel his solid chest under his own. His scent was so intoxicating; it made his head spin in the best way possible. This time though, it was sweeter than all the other times.

After weeks of agonizing and crying and despairing, Magnus was finally flushed with the knowledge that he would get to keep this man in his life. He had cried himself to sleep every night, alone in his bed because he had thought that he had lost this. Lost this man who had completely changed his life. Made him so happy and peaceful, something he had never known he would be until he met him.

Magnus was jerked out of his thoughts and warmth as Alec pulled away suddenly. He frowned in annoyance but it quickly disappeared as he saw the worry and trepidation on Alec’s face.

“Oh I-I almost forgot. I mean I didn’t but I di-didn’t know how to tell you.” He stammered.

“What is it?” Magnus asked, worried. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Alec shook his head. “It’s just I forgot to tell you the most important thing.”

“What?” Magnus asked.

“I love you.” Alec breathed out. A small timid smile replaced the panicked look on his face. His entire face lit up with it. “I love you so much.”

Magnus lost his breath for what felt like the countless time as he heard the words. He had known after all he had said of course. But to actually hear the magical words said out loud. It was far sweeter than anything he had heard. It was better than his wildest dreams and it was _so_ like Alec, he couldn’t have thought of a better way to finally hear it. His heart was threatening to burst in his chest, burst with nothing but love.

“Oh my god.” Magnus murmured, overcome by his emotions. His eyes were tearing up again. But these were pure happy tears. “I love you too, my Alexander. So much I can’t tell you enough.” He smiled widely.

“I never thought I would ever find love like yours.” Alec said softly. “I am so lucky to have found you, Magnus.”

“And I you.” Magnus replied giddily.

And then they kissed.

Magnus poured all his feelings of love into the kiss. It was like they were kissing for the first time. In a way, it was. It was a reunion and a start of a new relationship. For Magnus, it was like breathing fresh air after weeks of drowning in murky water. He found his lost strength in Alec’s touches, in his soft lips on his moving ever so gently but enough to rekindle that fire in him that only he could. It sent his blood roaring through his veins and his heart thudding wildly in his chest. Magnus kissed him with everything he had and everything he felt for this man and for the first time in his life he got back what he desired and so much more than that.

For Alec, it was his first real kiss. Every kiss with Magnus had been like magic but it had never reached his heart because he hadn’t allowed it to. Now that he had opened up his heart and let him take it over, he couldn’t remember feeling something so powerful and sweet. He gripped Magnus tightly to him, embracing the overwhelming emotions of love and peace and absolution. He had never known an emotion more powerful than this. Here, he didn’t have to be afraid. He just had to be himself, because he was loved for what he was. Alec wouldn’t have believed that in his entire life. But as he kissed the man he loved for what he was, he didn’t found it hard to believe it.

The kiss went on for what felt like forever. They would have kept going if the need to breathe wasn’t so required. Both of them would have been happy to drown into each other. But the beautiful smiles they had as they looked at each other was worth everything too.

They didn’t move far away, keeping their forehead’s together. Breaths mingled and peace unlike anything was felt.

“I just realized something.” Alec said, voice hushed.

“What?” Magnus asked, voice equally soft.

“We haven’t gone on a date yet.” He said, leaning a little back. “I mean..I know we agreed no relationship. That was a stupid thing to do by the way. And I wouldn’t know what to do on a date anyway. I can’t do the whole roses and chocolate thing. I mean of course I want to do it for you. I will try and-“

Magnus cut him with a finger on his lips. He smiled fondly at him and said, “I would love to go on a date with you, Alexander. I am sure you will be great at it.”

Alec smiled against his finger. “Okay.” He said. “Not that I think that what we had wasn’t anything less than special, but this time I want to do it right. All of it. I want to give you everything.”

Magnus would never get used to this. It would always make his heart burst with emotions. “We have a lot of things yet to learn about each other. There’s nothing more I would love than to spend my life doing that. I want a proper relationship with you. I want to share my life, my everything with you.”

Alec caressed his cheek gently with a finger as his eyes shone with love. That look had always been there, lurking in the depths. Magnus had just not seen it before. “Me too. I love you, Magnus.”

Neither was he ever going to get used to hearing those words. Said so surely and sincerely, Magnus felt it in every inch of him. “I love you, Alexander.”

They met together in another sweet kiss. Magnus knew it was one of many more they would share for the rest of their lives. He was as sure of it as he was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He was so full of love for this man; there really weren’t enough words to express it.

Magnus had always dreamed of having a perfect life. He thought that maybe someday he would have it. All he did in his life was to make that dream come true. Every night for this past week, Magnus had dreamed about him and Alec living the perfect life. Where there was no pain and sorrow, no broken trusts and hearts. It was everything he had thought his perfect life to be.

But at that moment, Magnus knew that it would always remain to be a dream. And that didn’t make him feel sad. Not when he had this Alec in his arms, a slightly broken version of the one in his dreams but no less beautiful. He wasn’t perfect, but he was special all the same. He was everything he needed in his life that was filled with imperfections. He was the one he wanted by his side holding his hand as he battled with pain and sorrow.

What Magnus and Alec had, it wasn’t a perfect world. They still had a long way to go. They still had to share trust and forgiveness. And they still had to battle their demons. Their lives might never be perfect like the one in their dreams, but Magnus wouldn’t have it any other way.

It was sweeter, stronger and absolute the way it was.

Their world was tilted just a little sideways. But it was okay the way it was. Because it had the two of them in it.

_Together._

_Forever._

* * *

 

**THE END**

 

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**Author's Note:**

> The mix of emotions while finally writing 'The End' in the end is.....something that can't be expressed. Its very bittersweet. 
> 
> Like always, what I decided initially for the end didn't come out in that way. And like always, I love it the way it came out. I wanted some smut in the end too, I started with it and wanted to end with it. I guess many of you wanted the same. But the way the story went, it wouldn't have been good. Anyhow for me, I always see and write Malec in a more love and soulmates and feelings kinda scenarios. 
> 
> I could go on and write more in this series. Like there are a lot of things that can be explored. But I think this signifies the end to the main story. I never wanted a slow burn or a lot of drama. Also, I want to write something new now. Want to try my hand at some other new universes! BUT I do plan to write 'extras' in this. It won't be under this series name. I will make another series where I will write different past and future stories of this universe. For eg, a lot of people wanted to read the part where Magnus and Alec make love after Alec shares his past in a more action way than the feeling one I wrote. Also some more in the future of this two, like when Magnus asks for the collar again. Things like that. I can't tell when because for now I will be taking a break from this universe. But it is in the plans <3
> 
> I am very excited to write something new and different now! For those of you who dont know, you can find other stories of mine on my main account under the name 'malecfeels'. This one is just a pseud. I will be writing all AU's and such in this one and all canon fics in 'malecfeels'. I have added the link to that above. The next few stories will be canon and in that account now. Have a look!
> 
> ONE LAST IMPORTANT THING  
> Thank you isn't enough to express how I feel about every single one of you who is reading this right now. It is only because of you that this series exists. You guys have supported me right from the start and so many of you have been there for every single story till the end. I know all of you and I love you so much. Your kudos, comments, bookmarks, subscriptions etc etc are very very appreciated. It means A LOT to me. Your words have been kind and lovely and the only reason I could write this thing. SO THANK YOU <3 <3  
> Special shout out to- Adelina aka kemiRD, Girl you are amazing! Thank you for all your support and crazy rants and I love you <3  
> There are a lot of people like her and a huge thank you to all of them <3
> 
> Okay I think I am done. I will stop rambling now. Hope I am not forgetting mentioning something else.  
> Stay tuned for my next works, TELL ME HOW THIS PART WAS, ignore all grammatical errors, excuse bdsm inaccuracies if any, sorry if anyone was offended or hurt, sorry about the delays in updating and replying to your comments and again thank you everything!
> 
> BYEEEE  
> I LOVE YOUUUUU <3


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